Within a few days, I fell in love with San Javier’s charm, both because of the place and the people there. San Javier is a small town in Uruguay of around 2000 people, you have cars that are still with the models from the 80s and people still using ‘normal’ cellphones instead of smart phones. There are a lot of horses and some farms, a really authentic ”town”. In the morning after I shower, I just sit by the fireplace and eat my breakfast with a cup of hot chocolate (because its cold here and I need to dry my hair if I don’t want to catch a cold)! Then we go around to different parts of town on my friend’s motorcycle, or in one of those really old cars blasting Spanish music singing to the tunes as we look over the horizon of beautiful farms and cows against the blue sky. It’s really hard to describe the magic of the whole town here.
I felt the love, to be welcomed to be part of a family. I remember the moments when we play cards in the kitchen (I have my Spanish sentences such as “muerto estoy”, i.e. “I am dead” and everything readily written on a book as we play cops and robbers – which again came in handy when I played with a little boy the next morning, he had a toy gun and I had to pretend to die). The way how when we are playing cards, everybody suddenly screamed at the top of their lungs and stormed out the kitchen into the backyard to watch the fireworks as the town celebrated its 100th anniversary at midnight. The way abuela (grandmother) suddenly hugged me from the back and told me how happy she was that I was here, and how we just held each other as we stared at the fireworks in awe in the cold winter night. The way everybody started singing or dancing for no reason!
The people here are so welcoming and friendly, and I feel like I am part of their huge large extended family knowing my friend’s grandparents and parents and uncles and aunts and cousins and neighbours and classmates and boyfriends and friend’s friend’s parents and friend’s friend’s grandparents and you get the idea – the cycle goes on. They have literally taken me in as a family, and I am forever grateful for that. I am going to miss this town and the people here very much.
Yet, to have enjoyed my time here was no easy task. Sometimes in the morning, all I wanted to do was crawl back into bed under the warmth of my blankets and sleep or go back home to the familiar. You feel your heart drained with waves of emptiness. You are haunted with fear and loneliness so deep that you never knew such depths ever existed. Other than adapting to a foreign land, one of the biggest challenge was to get used to the fact that everyone was speaking in Spanish, and that they don’t understand English and that I can’t really understand or speak Spanish. Sometimes you would find yourself sitting there, or standing among the Uruguayans, without a clue of what was going on. For the first few days in San Javier, I literally could only communicate with Iriina and nobody else without any translation. I felt awkward and out of place.
So without thinking too much, before my fear could take over, I had to put on a bold face, a smile, a very very very positive attitude, and let the waves of whatever is going to happen take its course. I had to constantly remind myself to look at the bigger picture of why I am here which is partly to learn Spanish and also to understand more about Uruguay which means being part of the local people.This really helped me to enjoy myself, as I was doing exactly just that. And it feels absolutely AMAZING to be able to do that. Not only am I understanding more and more Spanish everyday, (cannot believe that I have only been here for a week and my Spanish has improved so much in San Javier) hopefully I will be more and more confident in speaking it as well!
In San Javier, I learnt that in order to survive and feel part of a community, I had to put myself out there. You had to be proud of who you are and share a part of you with them. From passively observing, I gradually became more open about sharing my Chinese culture with them, and they were delighted to learn. And it was a lot of fun to see these cultures clash! Iriina’s friend’s grandmother bowed at me as a way to greet me, and I jokishly waved my hand around saying “Nooo!! Es Japones!!” as Chinese people rarely do that anymore. It was ironic because I earlier joked with my friend that anything ‘Chinese’ that I can’t do such as kungfu or play table tennis, I should just dismiss it as Japanese as most Uruguayans wouldn’t be able to distinguish the difference. I was so surprised when a Uruguayan friend started singing a Japanese song to me, thinking it was Chinese, and was quite disappointed when she realized it was Japanese and I told her I did not understand. The kids from Uruguay were so surprised to see that I was Chinese but not in a cheong sam ( a type of traditional Chinese dress), and I do receive weird questions such as whether the people in China have long or short hair.
Now, I am so proud to say that the people in the town can now greet and say a few phrases in Mandarin. Very proud! Someone even told my friend afterwards that he was very happy that he was able to talk to a Chinese person, something he never imagined would happen in his life, even though all he did was come to the house looking for his brother.
As obvious as it might sound in hindsight, it took me a while to realize and learn that when it felt like I did not fit in, it also meant that I had something else, something DIFFERENT to bring to these people as well.
Looking back, I will always remember that feeling. To go out there and tackle whatever the day might bring with a bold ‘thick’ face as Chinese people might call it. To crawl back under the warm blankets on a cold night after a long day – remembering the fear that you had at exactly the same place earlier, but now only to come back satisfied. To pat yourself on the back for a day well done no matter what, to have at least gone through the day. All the more rewarding, to look back and see how far you have gone and grown along the way and what you would have missed if you had never taken that step.
I have always loved this quote.
I cannot agree more.
Staring at the fireplace in the house one morning, I had a sudden realization. I had a flashback of my university orientation camp back when I was a freshman. In one of our group tasks, we were given three matches, and hence three attempts to build a fire. Failing to build a fire, we were reminded of the metaphor that there are only three matches and hence three chances in university. Let the matches burn, but it might fade. Yet, staring at the fireplace in San Javier on a quiet morning, only then did it strike me that our lives are not matches, but a huge bright burning fire. And that it is not limited to three years, but life. At that moment, I felt the infinity of life. Our lives are like a burning fire, bright as fireworks, bright as life.
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