I too can sit from my ivory tower and tell the world that the Middle East is a dandy place to live in as a woman, but I have no right to claim that a woman only 100 miles away having her body parts ripped out in the name of god and chastity, must succumb to my privileged view of reality. Experience is reality’s biggest discolorant, and as some might argue- its only lens.
In my humble opinion, the word and concept of hate isn’t of considerable debatable value. Hate is simple. A charged emotion of dislike, distaste- you name it, towards a person, object, place etc. It drives some to pick one ice-cream flavor over another and some to commit murder, guiltlessly. It varies in degree but in essence is a charged emotion. Perhaps, that is not the emotion that drives Middle Eastern men to oppressing Middle Eastern women, but rather something more entwined in the way we perceive ourselves. While it very well could be an emotion too, it is quite the opposite. A more reasonable argument, factually-grounded in Arab tradition, culture and perceived notions of religion, is that men simply view themselves to be superior to women (surprise). Perhaps, it is not that they hate us, but rather that they love themselves too much. Not a very bizarre conclusion given the abundance of narcissistic Arab men I have met both in the Middle East and abroad- trust me on this one.
It is quite possible that a commentary on the very institutions that have made Arab men this way is a more clinically-sound prescription to the female condition, than a scurried, disjoint overview of the symptoms of gender inequality in the Middle East.
Known for her love of ‘dumbing it down’ to the Occident, Eltahawy retards the female narrative of oppression among the very society that she allegedly desires to ‘fix’. She drives it into a direction that neither the men nor the women of the Middle East can be guided from. A blank sign, to which no one adheres, in a desert where only wind push the treader left or right.
A commentary on the structures that have given men the privilege of taking lead even when their female counterparts are more capable and how to dismantle them is better- suited to tackling discrimination than ranting about it. A commentary on self- righteousness, self-entitlement may bring us closer to a less emotionally-charged discussion on what it requires to achieve that which only seems reasonable- equality, is what it’ll take.
Maybe a few skirmishes will be encountered on the way, but hey, at least we’d be headed in the right direction.
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Hi Ola Aboukhsaiwan,
I enjoyed reading your opinion piece. It definitely gave me a different perspective, especially, “Perhaps, it is not that they hate us, but rather that they love themselves too much.”
I can also concur to your deduction that is rather the narcissism of men in the Arab world then hate, or misogyny, which guides our society. I see such characteristics avidly amongst my Arab friends and family. We have this inflated pompousness of ourselves. This is mainly due to our history. As notable as it is, it is both our force of destruction and salvation. It gives us ‘pride’, or some would even say chauvinism but that is a quality in which past a threshold produces negative effects.
Now there are some issues I have with your terminology. You refer to hate as some mild mannered disinterest or distasteful. I feel like this is a very light definition. For example, I don’t like vanilla but I don’t hate it. It would influence me to choose chocolate over vanilla, when applicable but I wont go out of my way. Versus if I hated vanilla, I would not eat or drink anything that has even traces of it. Do you see the significant difference in behavior alteration?
Furthermore, the very definition of hate includes an intense or passionate dislike. If the men did not like women having rights, they would have behavior which is not so intrusive on people lives. For example, men would marry more prudent and modest women. On the other hand, you have serious hate when you are walking around the streets, looking for targets, trying to ‘save them’. These are significant behavioral differences which are indications of the difference between not liking and hating.
The noted difference between dislike and hate is clear. So now, I don’t think it is fair to attack Mona for her statement. I would say that it might be uncomfortable, even distasteful in the articulation of her point. Nonetheless, her point is valid. There is a significant hate, or intense or passionate dislike, for women to be allowed to freely do as they please. Whether it is religion, culture, or government that is inducing, or facilitating this social quality, it is irrelevant to her main point. The point being that Arab men have a serious issue with agreeing on equality. Until this social idea is dismantled, you can never expect the Arab societies to progress. As Bill Gate’s once said to a room full of Saudis;
“Bill Gates recalls once being invited to speak in Saudi Arabia and finding himself facing a segregated audience. Four-fifths of the listeners were men, on the left. The remaining one-fifth were women, all covered in black cloaks and veils, on the right. A partition separated the two groups. Toward the end, in the question-and-answer session, a member of the audience noted that Saudi Arabia aimed to be one of the Top 10 countries in the world in technology by 2010 and asked if that was realistic. “Well, if you’re not fully utilizing half the talent in the country,” Gates said, “you’re not going to get too close to the Top 10.” The small group on the right erupted in wild cheering.”(http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/01/27/AR2007012700951.html)
You know I could go on, and on. Although I know I am not the best of writers. Nonetheless, I try to be as clear as possible. I enjoyed your piece, I hope you enjoyed mine.
Peace,
Rafik
Thank you for your comment Rafik!
I understand why you’re critical of my argument. To be honest, love and hate are two sides of the same coin. Self-love renders a human incapable of loving anything that does not revolve around him/her. What I’m trying to say is that an infatuation with one’s self is the root emotion for other impassioned ones, such as hate in this case.
Eltahawy looks at the symptoms rather than the causes and that is not only short-sighted, it’s destructive. It is likely that we’ll be better able to solve these problems when we start talking about the things we can do differently in raising the next generation of men, rather than inaccurately depicting hate as a building block of our social DNA.