I dream of a Libya where I feel free and liberated. Where I can do whatever I want, wherever I want, however I want… as a woman.
Yes, the country fought its way out of a tyrannical upper hand. Granted, Libyan women are celebrated and recognized for their contribution. Some of them even managed to seize an important position in our government. But that doesn’t invalidate the fact that we’re silenced when we speak out about important issues as free Libyans. We’re downplayed when we talk about our feelings as free Libyans. We’re harassed when we step out on the streets as free Libyans. And who are the perpetrators of this appalling treatment? Free Libyans. Or rather more specifically, free Libyan men. You’d think that during a fight that has deeply affected every single one of us, we’d grow, learn and promise never to repeat the same mistakes again. That life under Gaddafi would be the incipit of a brand new story. Libyans were supposed to blossom mentally, and now that we’re liberated we have just about every single tool to turn us into decent human beings. But women are still treated as inferior second-class citizens.
Remember when internet forums were used to discuss important political issues? Now they’re infested with misogynistic posts and pictures of random Libyan girls followed by nasty rumors. Whether it’s a girl seen on Tripoli University’s campus sporting a mohawk or a non-hijabi woman holding up a placard with “Don’t tell me what to wear, tell them not to harass me” sprawled over it, you can bet someone will sneak a picture of them and post it on every social networking site they could think of so as to attract sexist hyenas who like to roast women who (gasp) take control of their own bodies. There’s also a Twitter account I loathe with a passion called “Libyan Guy Problems”, who (amidst loads of sexist tweets) once stated that girls should be hung if they wear bikinis. No one called them out on this. Then, a problem I think lots of girls can identify with, there’s the online debates. Try discussing one issue with a Libyan on Facebook without your womanhood being questioned. Talk about the question of federalism, they’ll ask why you aren’t wearing a hijab. Libyan logic. The internet should be used with intelligence. The gratuitous anonymity it offers isn’t an excuse to spew ignorance. You have Google at your disposition, use it. Read up about what women have to say, how to respect them and how to join the fight for the equality they deserve instead of watching funny cat videos.
So, what of this harassment that plagues our streets? I have a friend who’s been yelled at by a complete stranger in a café in Tripoli because he heard her speak English. They ended up getting out of there, with no one to stand up for them. I know another girl who was once publicly slapped in the face by, yet again, a stranger for no apparent reason. My own sister had a big, full water bottle violently thrown at her by random men in a car speeding by as she was walking out of school. I was almost run over by a couple of guys who sped and abruptly hit the brakes a couple of centimeters in front of me just to get my number (by bumping their car up on the sidewalk I was using). And if you haven’t been stalked all the way to your front door at least seven times in your life as a girl, you must’ve been the lone survivor of some kind of apocalypse that hit North Africa.
Here’s the deal with street harassment: it’s not respectful and it’s not my fault. Your comments, whether they’re “Hey beautiful” or “Hey b—-“, are degrading, period (yup, I’ve heard them all). The fact that you don’t even consider my feelings beforehand, that you just hurl an opinion that wasn’t required or an insult that was definitely unnecessary, strip me of my value as a human being in your eyes. Your touch, whether it’s randomly stroking my hair or lightly brushing my rear, invades my personal space and makes me extremely uncomfortable. I respect you enough not to just walk up to you and caress a part of your body. But evidently, visible female traits suddenly make me eligible for grabs.
And enough with the victim blaming! I didn’t “ask for it”. When I open my closet in the morning I don’t think “Which shirt will get me sexually harassed today? I think I’ll wear this one, it seems like perfect rape material”. A girl doesn’t want to be verbally pestered all day. She doesn’t want to be touched. And she most definitely does not want to be scarred for the rest of her life. We do not ask for it, heck we don’t even want it but we receive it anyways, no matter what we wear or where we go. Just stop. Are you going to tell a man it’s his fault for getting mugged? “Well hey, you shouldn’t have been carrying your wallet around.” “You wore a blazer in the first place. You made yourself look rich. You asked for it”. See how ridiculous it sounds? But of course, once it comes to blaming a girl, suddenly those ludicrous statements make sense. Same goes for domestic violence. We don’t deserve it, we never did. Seizing our freedom should not include making us vulnerable in the first place. Make a safe space for us. Educate your sons. Criminalize harassment. Give rapists hell. Do not trace it back to us. Because then you’d be shaming us for being born with twin chromosomes.
What makes matters worse is that being religious, a lot of Libyan girls would rather not attract the male gaze. And men can’t even consider it or make an effort to respect that. It’s not funny, it’s humiliating. Especially when operation Failed Flirting is executed in a public place. And of course, no witness does anything about it because the delicate lotus flower that is the harasser doesn’t know any better. See, this patriarchal nonsense hurts you as well, Libyan men. It perpetrates the idea that you’re all dumb savages who are controlled by their libido. A lot of you are decent, but there’s a handful of bad apples in this country that you need to get rid of. And believing those ridiculous tales that some girls are just plain asking for it or that they need to be controlled somehow isn’t helping your case. Don’t be a sheep. Grow a mind of your own and rise against this misogynistic system.
So tell me what to wear, where to go and what to do. A harasser/rapist hears “Leave this one alone, but go harass/rape the one that doesn’t follow these guidelines”. And I will see a mold I’ll have to fit in as a person, a body perceived as lifeless by those who wish to control it and implement their own values in it. But worst of all, I won’t see a free country but a piranha infested lake surrounding a few unstable stepping stones, while the men have a bridge over it and are free to throw rocks at us as we take our leaps. It is that hard being a woman in Libya. But we can end this if we fight.
I’m aware that misogyny is present everywhere in the world, and that Libya’s share is pretty tame compared to other countries. But our home has its own cracks that we can fix, with a change of mentality and a separation from a tradition that says a woman is to serve and depend on a man. If we want to achieve equality, we’ve got to get rid of every single sexist issue within our community. Thing is, what a girl does behind closed doors is none of anyone’s business. I do live in a world that sexualizes and objectifies me, that doesn’t mean you have to add fuel to the fire by telling me how to live my life. By letting me be, you’re dismantling that system in your own way. And so am I by ignoring those who put me down. Women, no matter what they wear, what they do or what they look like, deserve respect and attention. And girls, solidarity can only be achieved if you stop acid tongues from waving and dissolve this perfect Little Miss Modest archetype. Even in campaigns fighting for gender equality, I see this stereotype being perpetrated. Our worth is not measured by our clothing, our personal activities, our grades at school, our sexual availability, our relationship with a man… None of that. Everyone should be able to see past all those traits and we can make our fiery spirits shine through. Our physique is to be celebrated, not shamed. Our body shouldn’t be a cage but a canvas. So listen up, activists: show every single kind of girl on your posters. Make bold statements on your placards. Our safety before their feelings. Our feelings before their fun. We can do this. And men can join too. Just shed out of this sexist mentality and we’ll all be free. Get angry, Libyan girl. Start your own revolution. Whether it is ladylike or not.
And dear reader, here’s a tip: if you see nothing wrong with the examples of sexism I’ve stated, either do your research or revoke your Decent Human Being card.
This article is part of the Libyan Youth Voices series which the IPF is running in conjunction with the Libyan Youth Movement.
SO amazing. I completely agree! We need to take a stand. Beautifully written and beautifully expressed. Great article.
Your article is so well written and so inspiring! I’m looking forward to reading more of these. Thank you!
Very inspiring, Danya! We need to get this message to the Libyan streets!!
I live in Montreal. I hope Arab girls never cover their faces. They are too beautiful to do that. 🙂
great article and thank you for writing it. harassment was one of the main reasons i personally couldn’t live in libya and had such a hard time relating when i did. it makes no sense. everyday on my way to work and back i lived in fear of what some creep might do…and i knew it wasn’t my fault but it always felt like there was some kind of conspiracy to convince me that it was. i wish i’d realized back then that it’s just easier to pick on the girl and to convince her that it was her fault than to confront the men on the streets. but then isn’t that just the whole society deciding to pick on the girl rather than face the problem?
again great job. it’s very refreshing to hear another libyan lady voicing her opinion, especially on a topic that so many don’t feel empowered to speak up about. i wish you much luck in your ambitions.
Unless Libyan women are liberated, Libya will suffer a major setback of backwardness and slavery, that includes both men and women. Women need to fight for their rights, supported by all free men
Danya I love your article… I am proud that Libya is noticing different voices today then the low tuned ones of our generation… go Danya go!
Ur mom
Did you publish this great piece also in Lybian language?
You have a bright future ahead of you Danya, I’m proud of you. please keep up the good work!
What a wonderful article! I wish I could articulate myself as well as you! I recall a feeling of dread when (I apologise that I do not remember the young ladies name) I read about an intelligent young lady getting reprimanded by during the Jibrill handover by Jibrill himself for NOT COVERING her head! Meanwhile all the men were dressed in European suits! She was told to dress in a traditional Islamic way…but what does that mean! One Bedhouin style has just a simple headband..
I have close ties to Libya, I am also a convert to Islam. Because of that I came with a child like questioning attitude and….guess what…there is no set “uniform” in Islam..Yes cover your cleavage, and your backside…
I remember once being told by an older woman that covering my head is done to protect women…No…the only thing that protects women is when they are respected and when the law protects them. No piece of cloth can protect.
And what about the gals that cover their heads with an elaborate glittering cloth.. I would fight for the right for a gal to cover her head, but in turn I would expect her to fight for me to have the right not to wear one (except in prayer of course, although I have not had time to see where this edict is written), after all, in my contemporary culture headscarves are not the norm. So many converts don what they think is Islamic dress before even reading or questioning…
Be brave young women of Libya…educate yourselves and all those around you..
really you express the feeling of lots of women hear
Yeah, I’m not one of the kool-aid drinkers but I’m a Libyan. I realize you didn’t write this essay of yours for a Libyan audience because if you did, I’m sure you offended the majority of them. but then again that might have been one of your aims. Keep writing, good luck to you, and a bit of parting advice from a guy who likes to use obscure and old timey words, “incipit” shouldn’t have made it to your final draft…ciao
I completely agree .
Danya, this is beautifully written. It expresses so well what I have heard many times, said in diverse ways, by women across North Africa. I hope you publish it in Arabic too. I think it will be important for decent and courageous men to stand shoulder to shoulder with women on this issue.
Well done Danya! The harassment/assault by men is (generalizing here) symptomatic of sexual inadequacy in the male. A significant proportion of the repeat offenders feel uneasy in the presence of educated/confident/strong personality women. As a working dr here in Libya, I am privy to social problems of patients too. No, you do not offend most of the people here, quite the opposite: you have bravely expressed what most Libyan women are feeling, yet do not advertise publicly, fearing derogatory comments from the MCPs. Your Grandad, God rest his soul, was an Al Azhar Sheikh, said the Holy Book says a woman’s dress should be respectful in society of the time. Last time I looked, not wearing hijab was still respectful.
Excellent article Danya! Libya’s future looks very bright and promising with people like you challenging rigid mindsets and giving courage to other young people to voice issues close to their hearts. Keep up the good work. It would be great if your articles are also translated into Arabic for your message to reach a wider audience.
Beautifully written Dunya! i am sooo glad there are Libyan women as articulate and brave as you. I would like to propose this to the local news paper (tripoli post) If that is ok with you. I am a Libyan woman and i am a horse trainer and uncovered. I have been fighting the harassment all my life. They also always ask immediately if I am married because i am successful and a strong independent woman and therefore it seems crazy to them! Well no i am not but i am exactly like my mother and she IS. As if that is a way to measure my worth. i have been called a slut for wearing my riding great, sexually harassed at the riding school i used to run and have had teenagers expose themselves to me!! Are these young men the future?!? There are some tv commercials and campaigns against the harassment of women but the more voices the better! Please let me know if i can share your article.
Malak
Hi Malak,
Please see Ayat’s comment below. Please do share the link here if it does get published in the Tripoli Post!
Hi Malak,
You are welcome to share any articles here from the Libyan Youth Voices series however we request that you link it back to this and mention that the article was published as part of the series, a collaborative effort between the International Political Forum and the Libyan Youth Movement.
I hope this does get published in Arabic as well for it to reach the non English speaking population in Libya. This piece touches on what every Libyan girl/woman suffers on a day to day level and no one can deny it. Good luck with your studies!
Loved reading this, for me such mentalities and initiatives are the real fruit of the revolution, I would like to see this translated in arabic, it would reach more people and more impact
That is consequence of revolution but will soon become thing of the past as time goes on.
A very well structured and written article. I would like to see it written in Arabic as well so that all Libyans, men, women, old and young benefit from reading it. Well done!
[…] Read Also: Libyan Youth Voices: Ending Harassment Now […]
I loved your article and could relate to every part of it.
A normal society is represented by both genders with equal social rights. What women have endured in the last decades in Libya is sheer disgrace. Women are being intimidated on a daily basis, whether on the streets, in the car or in their own homes, simply because some believe that women should be kept at home and covered up to their back teeth. It is time to put a stop to this, women are being regarded as sexual objects here, as dependent beings not able to think for themselves, and the new generation seems to be worse than the last one. The goverment must take this issue very seriously as every functioning society needs the participation of women.
Danya, this is wonderful, it’s only since today I was able to read your article, and also some “reviews” like the one in swedish… I completely agree with you! I hope this will go far in the next years to come…
Excellent article addressing what we go through every single day. Harassment poisons our lives, it is very upseting and degrading. However, I personally know some Libyan girls who quite enjoy being harassed. But looking at their background you realise that they have been brought up in an environment where women are treated like second class citizens. There is an urgent need for educational programmes to tackle this issue.
Woman need respect and no harassment yes I agree, but it does not mean you can wear and do what ever you want. That is not freedom, because freedom does not give the right for one person to violate another persons’ right. Wearing a Hijab is of course the woman’s decision. But there has to be a limit in the dress code of both woman and men. I have lived in the US for most of my life and I was shocked to see and hear what some libyan woman now here wear. Not even normal Non-Muslim women in the US would wear that kind of clothing in public. Lets not even talk about the makeup (I don’t want to go there). Look Libya is a free country, but it is an Islamic(Not a Catholic / Atheist ) Country and you need to respect other people by dressing modest. If you want to wear a bikini in the beach or dress in some revealing and offending cloths go take it outside of Libya. Does there need to be a change in the way some men act in the street yes. But some women are not making it easier, again there needs to be a set standard that the Libyan People will agree in. Then make it public which will help reduce the harassment. There is Harassment in the US and UK too. Look at the news go online and see for yourselves. And I will tell you that 9 out of 10 were from the way they dress…And why does Allah tell us to dress in that a particular way Subhanallah.
I just thought you would hear from a Libyan Man’s side.
Best Regards
Yousef
It pains me to read comments like these. “Women are not making it easier” for men to stop harassing women? What you’re indicating is that men are sexual beasts who can’t help but harass women, and asking them not to do so is some sort of huge favour that we’re asking them for?
Me wearing what I want to wear does not violate any of your rights, and if you think it does, you might want to look up what it means to violate someone’s basic human rights. If you’re OFFENDED by someone’s RIGHT to wear what they want, then don’t tell them to leave, you can – and should – leave yourself. You don’t have to look at them if it bothers you so much, but understand the difference between being offended and having your rights violated. Women may offend you with what they choose to wear, but you violate their rights when you tell them they can’t wear what they want.
Women should not be harassed but “it does not mean that you can do what you want”. Actually, yes, I can do what I want. And it genuinely shocks me that men still think they can control a woman’s every move in the 21st century.
Like I said there is a limit for everything, for example is it ok for me to walk around the streets in my underwear…what is your limit ?
No, I am not implying that men are sexual beasts. It is not professional of you to jump into concussions and put words in my mouth, and using the word “indicating” to cover it up. Offended I am not for most cases, but many others are. I am not asking anyone to leave, I am saying if you want to dress in extreme cases go on vacation outside the country or keep indoor (away from the streets).
By the way are you even Libyan ? Have you lived there before, and are you aware of the problem with weapons being scattered all around our country. People can even get them for free. I think the more bigger issue in this country is weapons !! Why don’t wear what you want here and then talk to me.
Id say you need to be beaten back to the stone age but it looks like you never left it. Women and men are equal. What does it matter what she wears. You cannot control how others act you can only control how you your self act. And if a man acts towards a woman in an animalistic nature that makes him a lowly animal.
[…] 2012, they’ve collaborated with the International Political Forum and launched what is known as the Libyan Youth V…, which showcase young people’s ideas and opinions. Ayat talks about how the nature of the civil […]